Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Total Overhaul

As our time in Texas draws near, I find myself cleaning, and by cleaning I mean a total over haul and by over haul I mean throwing stuff in the trash left and right.  I also found myself looking at myself and my life, I have to say my emotional well being for sure has needed a complete overhaul! I think I have expected a lot of myself over the nearly 9 months since Zechariah has died.  Life has been hard, I have had little time to grieve between taking care of Faith and life having to move on, however, I have made progress.  This week I have sat and told myself that I am blessed.  I have had to opportunity to have children, to carry them within me, to experience pregnancy, to love them and care for them.  I have friends that want children desperately and have never been blessed the way I have.  So I have chosen to chose joy instead of grief, peace instead of discontentment.  Unfortunately when  we moved here we were known as the family that has the sick baby, now we are know as the one who's baby died...Well, good news is God's grace is new every morning and we are given the opportunity to move and start life fresh...From now on I hope to be known as Tabatha, not the girl who's baby died, nothing else nothing less, just me.

On a different note, I had this crazy internal battle going on this weekend.  If you have never been fat or struggled with your weight you can't really understand, but sometimes food just consumes those of us who are struggling to loose the extra weight!  For whatever reason this weekend all I could think about was Doritos, sitting down watching a movie and opening a bag of regular (not baked) Doritos and eating them without measuring them. My will won out eventually!  However, sometimes, on the road to health it is just plain hard to get in the groove and stay there.  So friends, if the Doritos are calling your name, lace up those shoes and go run, bike, swim, do whatever you have to do to dodge those thoughts left and right, the new smaller you will thank you!

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