Monday, February 28, 2011

Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps!

So, I have spent the better part of the month of February feeling sorry for myself.  I have decided as of the end of last week, I need to get back into my routine and get myself restructured again.  So the last few mornings I have peeled myself out of bed, opened the curtains, and got myself going!  Time to step up my game.  No more feeling sorry for myself.  Thankfully I have not eaten my feelings.  I am using the sage old advice, "facing my stuff instead of stuffing my face."

I have been thinking and I now realize that my decision to start back to Weight Watchers in September and to start taking care of myself has been a catalyst for my own well being.  Not only getting me physical healthier but mentally healthier as well.  Even though things have been hard, and more things propped up this month, I have decided I am worth it.  I am worth the effort and time it takes to pull myself out of my little depression and get up and get dressed in the morning.  I am worth the money spent on Weight Watchers.  I am worth taking the time to take care of myself first and be a little selfish for once.

So friends, I am taking the time to make my 30th year the best!  It is time for me to be fierce and fabulous!  I would like to say that my Saturday Weight Watchers meeting had me done 54 pounds!!  Wahooooo, only 46 more to go!!!  I totally got this!!!!!

That is me on the right before starting my weight loss journey again with Weight Watchers

This is me now, 5 months later and 54 pounds lighter and a whole lot happier!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Choosing Health

Lately, I have been struggling with my feelings.  I have made some conscious decisions to move forward, but Derek is still in what I like to call sweep it under the rug mode.  There has been a lot of things that have happened in my family since I came back from California, things that were discovered that are heart breaking, and I am trying to make peace with all of it but it is for sure a hard place to be when there is nobody who understands your situation.

I have made a resolution to not eat my feelings and I haven't.  I choose health for myself and that doesn't happen if I eat and get myself to a place of being even more overweight.  Zechariah may have not had a choice on the health of his heart, but I have a choice on the health of my heart and my body and how I treat it, I chose health for my body.  As of today I have lost 50.6 pounds and I keep choosing health.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Heart Broken

My heart is completley broken.  This last year I have done nothing but pick up the pieces of my broken heart.  I thought things were getting better but then another whammy hits me.  I don't know how much more my heart can take.  I am trying to find my way through the lies, the deciet and the broken heartedness.  I guess the solution is to find more time to keep giving it to God.  I am so sick and tired of people telling me what I should do, what I should say and how I should grieve or feel.  Life is full of suprises and why I welcome some of them others I wish I would have never discovered.

Tomorrow, I am sure my glass will look more full then empty but for now, I am taking some time to have a well deserved pity party.