Tomorrow is the the day that changed our families life forever. The day that Derek and I chose to turn off the life support for our sweet Zechariah. There have been many moments the last few days that I have had the urge to go and sit on the floor of the pantry and eat Oreos. I however have not done that. I have recognized my feelings and moved on. I have not medicated those feelings with food. I want to honor my son and his memory by being healthy, after all, he didn't have a choice in regards to his health, but I have a choice. I have been choosing to live my truth as well as living a life where I am present and to do that it means feeling those painful feelings.
I truly believe Matthew West song "Strong Enough" describes my last few years.
I know I'm not strong enough to beeverything that I'm supposed to beI give upI'm not stong enoughHands of mercy won't you cover meLord right now I'm asking you to beStrong enoughStrong enoughFor the both of us
Well, maybeMaybe that's the pointTo reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finallyFinally at rock bottomWell, that's when I start looking upAnd reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to beEverything that I'm supposed to beI give upI'm not stong enoughHands of mercy won't you cover meLord right now I'm asking you to beStrong enoughStrong enough
Cause I'm brokenDown to nothingBut I'm still holding on to the one thingYou are Godand you are strongWhen I am weak
I can do all thingsThrough Christ who gives me strengthAnd I don't have to beStrong enoughStrong enough
I can do all thingsThrough Christ who gives me strengthAnd I don't have to beStrong enoughStrong enough
Good news is God is truly strong enough to meet my needs, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I just need to believe that God has not forgotten me, which I do, but in the midst of the excruciating pain it has been easy to forget. I choose to remember that when the rains and storms come there is always a rainbow at the end of it all.
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