Amazing New Developments!

So life has taken a surprising turn for the better!  We found out yesterday that we were officially approved to leave San Antonio early, June 1st to be exact, but little did we know it would get better!  Derek came home and said "you might want to sit down for this one, we are leaving May 10th."  I was like sit down, I want to jump up and down!!!

San Antonio has been a God send.  Jesus knew exactly where we needed to be when we needed it.  From the doctors, to the people we have met we have been blessed!  To some people it may seem like we just want to pack up and leave but for the Reese family this move is bittersweet.  I speak for both Derek and I knowing we are both on the same page, we are so ready to move on and not have the constant reminder of how sad we have been for the last few months.  The grief that has rocked our family, not just the grief a of losing a child, but the grief of never being able to have another child, the grief of not really knowing how to move on.

The best way I know how to deal with it all is to say that moving gives us a clean slate.  Today I was reminded that we are given challenges so that we may choose to believe that God is still good, but in that same breath we are given the opportunity to doubt, and lately that has been where I am, doubtful.  I realize day by day, life is always going to have struggles, and we have choices how we will deal with it.  Right now I chose to move on, continue to lay my doubts, my heart, my pain at the feet of Jesus.  Moving away from San Antonio won't make it better, but it is another step in putting the sadness of the last year to rest.

I heard this on K-Love the other day and it was the perfect description of what we have been going through the last few months.  Have a wonderful day friends, enjoy every moment, you never know what the future holds.

Exciting News...and Weigh In Day!

Hi y'all, so I am sorry I have been lazy on blogging the last few weeks.  It seems I have been going through these seasons since Zech passed where I do great for a few weeks, then I get into a funk, but I decided today is the day, I have a few exciting things on the horizon to share with you!!!!!!

First off today was weigh in day, so I forced myself to get my hiney out of my nice comfortable bed and head to my most favorite Weight Watcher meeting.  Last week I had a 1 pound gain and I am pretty sure it was water retention since I had stayed on plan all week so I knew this week had to be better...and it WAS better!  I lost 3.8 this week making my grand total losed 59.6, only 0.4 away from hitting the 60 pound mark.  You know what else is exciting I am in the 180's now!!!!!!! I haven't been in the 180's since before college!!!  So exciting things are happening my oh my!

Also good news on the home front, Derek was told that we will be able to leave on June 1st, so we are just waiting for him to get his orders and Derek will start clearing Fort Sam Houston on May 18th.  I am so excited it is killing me, I can't wait to leave here, there are reminders of Zechariah all around here, and not that I don't want to remember, I just want to be able to have a repreve from the hurt of it all!

There are a few fun things happening in April and through May so hopefully it will make the time go by faster.  Tomorrow we are heading over to the main post to celebrate Fiesta, I am excited to enjoy this time, and then May 1st, the hospital Zech was in while here in Texas is having a remembrance service for all the families who lost the children last year, so we are looking at it as a way of finding a little more closure before we leave. 

So friends brighter things are yet to come this summer and on into the fall, the Grand Canyon, Disneyland, visits with family all await us this summer and a new place to call home is just around the corner!  I can't wait for the fall, I am believing that the fall will blow great things in our direction, just as the leaves change and the wind picks up, the fall winds will blow new and better things into our lives...

New Exciting News

Okay y'all, I just wanted to share before we run off for church some exciting news!  Yesterday we went to Costco to stock our pantry and while we were there I found some capri's at Costco (if you don't know Costco has the best prices on Levi, CK, and other brands) they were a size 12 and they were my work toward pants.  Low and behold this morning I tried them on while I was getting ready for church and they fit!!!!!!  I haven't worn a size 12 since high school, so this is exciting!!!!!!!  Well off to finish getting ready for church!

Hello Saturday!

Today was a quite a day.  We as in the whole family today woke up at 7 am and headed to Weight Watchers, and I would like to say the scale was my friend today!!  I lost 2.2 pounds this week for a grand total of 56.8!!!  After my successful weigh in we headed out to breakfast and ended up going to IHOP, we researched the points plus values before leaving for Weight Watchers this morning and settled on a Turkey Bacon Omelet and fresh fruit, for a points plus value of 11 points.  We then headed to Faith's ballet class and for whatever reason it seemed to be canceled so they re-scheduled it for Tuesday.  We proceeded to head home for lunch and then went out for a bike ride, we went to the Salado Creek Trail and road for probably an hour and a half.  Today was overcast and humid, I never thought about getting sun burnt for one minute, but boy oh boy am I burnt to a crisp!  I can't wait for this sunburn to clear up and I will say I will be wearing sunscreen from here on out!

I am now enjoying a glass of red wine and Sweet Home Alabama, all I can say is life is good!

Conflicted

Lately I have felt conflicted...I wonder if I will ever be as satisfied as I feel when I am in California?  Will I ever not feel all alone when surround by a million people?  Will the void in my heart ever be filled now that Zechariah is gone?  Will I ever be able to answer someone who asks me how many kids I have without stammering or feeling sick to my stomach?  Will my husband and I find a way to find peace separately but also together?  The truth is I am not sure.  I don't know the answers, but right now I know my heart feels so sad.  I kind of feel like I am all alone, like I don't fit in.  I feel like damaged goods.  I guess that is what death and heart ache do to you...leave you lonely.

I guess apart of this journey is to continue to find myself.  Find where I belong, find what drives me, find a place where I feel wholly excepted.  I have not felt truly and utterly excepted since I left my home in Manteca, CA.  The comfort of Audra who is my best friend but more like a sister, and my dear sister Tam.  I miss them dearly, two of the only people who I know I can pour my hurt and broken heart out too and never worry about judgement or ridicule, but know a kind and tender word is there waiting for me.  I guess part of my process is to find out who I am outside of them.  Life has changed for me, and I need to re-discover who I am, what my new dreams are, and how I am going to take my tragic loss and turn it into some rock star story of God's healing and the journey.

Life has changed in the 7 months 3 weeks and 2 days since my Zechariah went to heaven...but I still have to believe God is good.  I have to believe that there is amazing plan that God has for healing and a new path that He has in store for me.  I have to believe in me and believe that I am worthy of a life full of joy and happiness.  So here's to today, tomorrow, next week, next month and the following years to come on this long, long journey, because I am worth it!

Really...Who does that???

Yesterday was like every other Tuesday, I woke up at 5:15 am and went to my spin class and headed home to start dinner in the crock pot.  Yesterday I was unusually tired so I had a bit of a lazy day.  Last night I ran to Wal-Mart to return a movie we rented and to get Derek some more Weight Watchers ice cream.  On my way home I was completely oblivious to the fact that one of the soldiers in Derek's unit spotted me and he was with his baby's mama who is also a soldier.  They proceeded to follow me home, little did I know they were following me home to show off their new baby.  Really?  You are gonna follow home a mother who lost her child nearly 8 months ago and show off your newborn???  I went in the house and hid  until they left and left Derek to deal with them.  I know it was probably wasn't the nicest or politest way to deal with that, but my heart just couldn't take it and I didn't want them to be victims of my word vomit because who knows what would come out of my mouth at this point.  I know it has been nearly 8 months and I'm dealing with each day a little better, but the kicker is, this girl didn't even want her baby, she never intended to get pregnant.  I wanted my son, he was planned and longed for, I feel sick that a woman who didn't want their child is beaming and bragging, and yet I who wanted my son very much and fought for him as every mother should, and I am left to pick up the pieces of my life.  I guess I should say common sense isn't all that common, if they had any common sense they would not have followed me home.

Good news I didn't eat my feelings last night, I processed the reasons I was angry and today I am moving on.  Today God is still good and I get to start afresh and ask Jesus to guide my day today. 

On a happier note this week I lost 0.2 pounds and I have lost a grand total of 54.6 pounds.  I know I am not on some weight loss show and I don't have a personal trainer to help me lose weight left and right, but slow and steady wins the race.  I am eating real food, finding new ways to manage my stress and getting excited about what the future holds for me!!!

Family Day

This weekend has been a busy but very fulfilling day.  Saturday morning I woke up and took Miss Faith with me to my Weight Watchers meeting.  I have to say the scale was my friend again today, after last weeks disappointing gain, I am happy to say I lost 1.4 this week and I have lost a total of 54.4 pounds!!!  Can you say Wahooooo!!!  This weeks topic has been about celebrating your success' and I have had to a few this week!  I made it to 2 spin class this week and began fitting exercise back into my routine, I have rode my new bike which I love, it was an anniversary present from Derek and I have also worked out at home.  I have also just felt altogether better this week.

After Weight Watchers we headed out for Faith's ballet class which she enjoys a ton.  Then came home for lunch and nap time.  While Faith rested in her room, Derek went to the garage and assembled Faith's bike trailer, the trailer was a present from Derek's parents for his birthday.  We rode our bikes to the park on the main post and then biked to the store and we all got ice cream.  We then biked home and we BBQ'd for dinner.  We were going to take Faith to a movie on Saturday evening but with her early morning and our running around all day, she was exhausted and begged for bed. 

This weekend  was fabulous, I love that we are finding more ways to incorporate exercise into our lives in things that are fun and enjoyable for the whole family!