One year later...

So most of y'all know that it has been a year since; I lost my son Zechariah, lost myself, been struggling to find myself, struggling to hold myself together for Faith and my husband Derek, all the while living this crazy life as a military wife...BUT on Sept 2, in 2 short days I will have been on this crazy weight loss journey for one year!  I decided last year when we got home to Texas after going to California for Zechariah's funeral and some vacation time that it was my time change.  It was on September 2, 2010 that I had my ah ha moment.  I came to the realization that Zechariah couldn't control the condition of his heart and he couldn't control the fact that he had DiGeorge Syndrome, but I can control my heart, I can control my health so it was up to me to make a change.  When we came back to Texas I went back to my Weight Watchers meeting and I have been taking off the weight with WW and exercise of course.  I have found that I love spinning, who knew, my body has changed it has become slimmer and my legs and hiney are getting strong and slim, it feels so good to be living again and exercising and watching what I eat!  This weight loss journey has helped me take off 81 pounds to date!  Amazing what a year and a perspective change can bring!

Along with losing the weight I am about to lose part of myself literally!  I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and was referred to a surgeon to evaluate my stomach, the extra skin and the yucky panel I have left from having 2 c-sections and an emergency surgery.  I went to the surgeon thinking the surgery wouldn't be approved because it would be considered cosmetic, but no I was APPROVED!  So I have about 11 more pounds to lose then I can go for my follow up appointment and get my surgery scheduled.  I feel so very blessed.  I feel like this surgery is the icing on the cake to all the hard work I put in this year.

My Before, My best friend Audra and I before we both started our weight loss journey's.  I am on the right.  I was wearing a really tight 18 and an XL or XXL depending on the brand, here I weigh 247.

Me as off last week!  81 pounds lighter!  Wearig a size 10 pant and a medium shirt!  My weight in this picture is 166!

So friends if you are struggling with your weight, if you are looking to find yourself again.  Think about your ah ha moment and get started.  Make goals, track your progress, keep moving because moving forward is moving on!  My next goals are to lose the last 11 pounds, have my stomach reconstruction done, and get to my goal weight, once I am there I will be applying to work for Weight Watchers International as either a receptionist or leader, I also want to continue with my spin classes and eventually become a certified instructor, who knows where I will go next the whole world has opened up for me! 

Seize the day y'all because life is fabulous and worth living, so believe in yourself so you can change yourself!  Cheers, Tab





Oh forget it I will just eat the fries...

So last night Derek, Faith and I had to run some errands, we are tying up the loose ends of our time in Texas, in the process we decided to head to Chick-Fil-A for dinner.  As we were driving in the car I was scanning the Weight Watchers Dining Out Companion.  At one point in our conversation Derek and I got onto the topic of one of our friends who had their baby yesterday, Derek procedded to ask me how I felt about that, and we continued to talk.  I realized as we were pulling into the parking lot that all of a sudden the plan I had for the Chargrilled Chicken Salad went right out the window and the french fries flew in the window just like that!  All of a sudden the light switched turned on and I realized I was not managing my feelings well, I was going to manage them with french fries.  Feelings noted, I felt sad, I wanted to drown those feelings in french fries.  Well, I found my resolve and stuck to my orignial plan, wahoo me!!!!!!  Note to self, continue to face my stuff instead of stuffing my face.

Total Overhaul

As our time in Texas draws near, I find myself cleaning, and by cleaning I mean a total over haul and by over haul I mean throwing stuff in the trash left and right.  I also found myself looking at myself and my life, I have to say my emotional well being for sure has needed a complete overhaul! I think I have expected a lot of myself over the nearly 9 months since Zechariah has died.  Life has been hard, I have had little time to grieve between taking care of Faith and life having to move on, however, I have made progress.  This week I have sat and told myself that I am blessed.  I have had to opportunity to have children, to carry them within me, to experience pregnancy, to love them and care for them.  I have friends that want children desperately and have never been blessed the way I have.  So I have chosen to chose joy instead of grief, peace instead of discontentment.  Unfortunately when  we moved here we were known as the family that has the sick baby, now we are know as the one who's baby died...Well, good news is God's grace is new every morning and we are given the opportunity to move and start life fresh...From now on I hope to be known as Tabatha, not the girl who's baby died, nothing else nothing less, just me.

On a different note, I had this crazy internal battle going on this weekend.  If you have never been fat or struggled with your weight you can't really understand, but sometimes food just consumes those of us who are struggling to loose the extra weight!  For whatever reason this weekend all I could think about was Doritos, sitting down watching a movie and opening a bag of regular (not baked) Doritos and eating them without measuring them. My will won out eventually!  However, sometimes, on the road to health it is just plain hard to get in the groove and stay there.  So friends, if the Doritos are calling your name, lace up those shoes and go run, bike, swim, do whatever you have to do to dodge those thoughts left and right, the new smaller you will thank you!

Really...Who does that???

Yesterday was like every other Tuesday, I woke up at 5:15 am and went to my spin class and headed home to start dinner in the crock pot.  Yesterday I was unusually tired so I had a bit of a lazy day.  Last night I ran to Wal-Mart to return a movie we rented and to get Derek some more Weight Watchers ice cream.  On my way home I was completely oblivious to the fact that one of the soldiers in Derek's unit spotted me and he was with his baby's mama who is also a soldier.  They proceeded to follow me home, little did I know they were following me home to show off their new baby.  Really?  You are gonna follow home a mother who lost her child nearly 8 months ago and show off your newborn???  I went in the house and hid  until they left and left Derek to deal with them.  I know it was probably wasn't the nicest or politest way to deal with that, but my heart just couldn't take it and I didn't want them to be victims of my word vomit because who knows what would come out of my mouth at this point.  I know it has been nearly 8 months and I'm dealing with each day a little better, but the kicker is, this girl didn't even want her baby, she never intended to get pregnant.  I wanted my son, he was planned and longed for, I feel sick that a woman who didn't want their child is beaming and bragging, and yet I who wanted my son very much and fought for him as every mother should, and I am left to pick up the pieces of my life.  I guess I should say common sense isn't all that common, if they had any common sense they would not have followed me home.

Good news I didn't eat my feelings last night, I processed the reasons I was angry and today I am moving on.  Today God is still good and I get to start afresh and ask Jesus to guide my day today. 

On a happier note this week I lost 0.2 pounds and I have lost a grand total of 54.6 pounds.  I know I am not on some weight loss show and I don't have a personal trainer to help me lose weight left and right, but slow and steady wins the race.  I am eating real food, finding new ways to manage my stress and getting excited about what the future holds for me!!!